The Conjuring movies were both very good. Genuinely scary stuff. I am not quite sure why they decided to make this spin-off, as I thought enough about the doll was told in those movies, but here we are – with another one on the way.
Without mixing words, this movie sucks. None of the jump scares work, the effects are atrocious, and the story itself is – I don’t know, was there a story? Oh right, cultists killed people, their blood went into the doll…what-the-fuck-ever.
All I kept thinking throughout the movie was, “Why would anyone want to own that ugly fucking doll?” Even before the thing is evil, it is so damn hideous, yet the woman was thrilled to receive it as a gift.
Early reviews for the sequel say that it is a very good movie, and way better than this one…I think that I will still wait to stream it.
How to make a Bee Girl: 1) Get a girl naked inside of a laboratory that looks like the silly lair of Dr. Evil. 2) Shine a light at her crotch – this will of course be arousing for the girl. 3) Cover the girl in the kind of white goop that bees like – you know the stuff. 4) Cover girl in bees 5) Peel off plaster and shine light at girl’s crotch again – this time, everyone will be aroused. 6) Have the queen make out with her.
Congratulations! You have now made a bee girl that comes equipped with a vagina that kills men. Now you don’t have to bother watching the movie!
Side note: I have no idea why it is called Graveyard Tramps as well, as there are absolutely no graveyards in the film.
This is not a good movie, but was super fun to watch. The equivalent of an adult version of “the floor is lava”. A bunch of young adults have a party on the beach, then wake to find that the sand now has little wormy things that eat them alive. It reminded me a lot of the Stephen King story, The Raft – where some people are stuck on a raft in the ocean because the water is killing them.
Sure the computer effects are bad, but in that wonderful way. There is also no explanation at all, so if that is a thing you need to feel okay in your skin, don’t watch. I mean, I guess the reason is – there is a thing in the sand.
So this isn’t really a horror movie, but there is a giant monster, so I am going to count it anyway. I am a huge Godzilla fan, and this was actually the first new Toho production that I was able to see in the theater. I was not disappointed!
Taking its cues from the original Gojira, Shin Godzilla is a masterpiece. Even my wife thought it was badass. I found the American release a couple years ago vaguely entertaining, but I was so excited for what Toho would come up with.
The Godzilla monster design is probably the biggest departure in the series, and I wasn’t sure about it when I first saw the promos, but man does he look badass. The only thing that is a little iffy is those googly eyes, especially in the early iterations.
There is a lot of chatter about the end, and what those things coming out of his tail may be, and what that means for the next entry. All I know, is that it was awesome, and again I find myself way more excited by Toho than by America.
Another non-horror flick, but there are witches, and a devil…so deal with it.
I watched this movie over and over as a kid, and still love it, so my review is rather skewed. I don’t think that I can be particularly unbiased. Hell, I even did the monologue from the scene in church in high school drama class.
I loved it so much, that I actually read the John Updike book, and to this day, I don’t think I have ever read anything that differed from the movie more. In the movie, the women are just people with vague powers that are brought out by the calling of this devil character. They are never actual even referred to as witches. In the book, they are a coven from the beginning. Daryl Van Horn is just a rich man that comes to town that they take advantage of. They kill Felicia on purpose. In the book, the witches are mean. I prefer the movie, which is a rare thing to say.
I can lip-sync my way through this entire film, so I doubt the 5 stars would match up with most people’s review. Probably deserves closer to 3.5-4. But, I love it, and so it goes.